The Secret to Great Relationships



Have you ever thought about the relationship you have with yourself?  We all have one and it’s the most important relationship we’ll ever have.  It’s the foundation of what all other relationships will look like within our lives and is ultimately the secret to great relationships.

We’ve all heard  ‘take care of yourself’, ‘love yourself’, ’embrace yourself’ but does just saying, thinking and knowing this mean that we will develop a healthy relationship with ourselves?  Probably not.  So how do we begin to build a relationship with ourselves?

Most of us have been conditioned to believe that we need to live by societal expectations and fit into a specific box so we can find the right job, have success, look a certain way and find the right partner in life.

But what are we sacrificing to ensure that we meet the expectations of society?  Our true self……


Could this be why so many of us get caught up in negative thinking?  And can just changing our negative thoughts create positive outcomes?

When we place our focus on changing to fit in, continue to become stronger or look more beautiful this essentially moves us away from our individual selves, what we want and our core values.

This is when we become stuck and unhappy doing things we don’t want to do.



Learning to accept all our layers and stop fighting the negative qualities we’ve been keeping submerged will allow us to be seen for our whole amazing selves that we are rather than continuing to edit ourselves for the world.

Accepting your negative qualities will take some work, remember there’s a lot of years of unlearning how you’ve been conditioned to live in order to be accepted into societal norms.

The Secret to Great Relationships - Heart on Wood


Notice Your Inner Critic

When we lack self-acceptance and self-love it turns up the volume on our negative thoughts.  When you start noticing nasty critical talk about yourself internally – Think……..

‘Would I speak that way to my best friend?’ …….. (absolutely not)

So if you wouldn’t communicate those negative critical thoughts about your best friend, turn the volume down on your own inner critic and find positive statements about yourself.

Being a great friend to your self unlocks a true foundation for all relationships in and throughout your life.

Whenever you catch your inner critic speaking negatively, immediately turn it into a positive statement about yourself.

If I told you this could happen overnight or even in a week, I’d be misleading you.  This is going to take some adjusting on your part and thought process.

Make no mistake, you will revert back to what you know, but with continued practice over time you will begin to realize that you are someone to be celebrated.

Practice Gratitude for your Body

For many of us, men and women we obsess about our body image, we want to look thinner, stronger and more beautiful, which in turn is moving us away from our authenticity.

Trying to be something or someone we’re not does not allow us to embrace our individuality.

Spend a few minutes in the mirror every morning and begin to practice gratitude for your body.  Notice the beautiful things about yourself.

Research shows that people who actively practice gratitude are happier and less depressed and more resilient during tough times.


Show Yourself Some Self Compassion

Kristin Neff, a leading self-compassion researcher identifies 3 components to self-compassion

Self Kindness – acting in kindness toward ourselves and cutting ourselves some slack when we don’t meet our own expectations.  Recognize we are human and if we worked hard then we gave it what we could believe your inner voice when it says you’ve worked hard, you’ll do better next time.

Common Humanity – recognizing that everyone makes mistakes and has weaknesses and accept that we are not alone in our suffering and taking comfort with feelings of inclusiveness rather than alienation.

Mindfulness –  being fully in-tuned with our thoughts, feelings, and emotions.  Not allowing our perception of how we think others see us exaggerate our distress to appoint where we become engulfed by it.

By showing some self-compassion and kindness we’ll feel better about ourselves on the inside and out.


Let Go of Your Inner Perfectionist

If you’re a bit of a perfectionist then you probably have extremely high standards for yourself (and chances are you aren’t even aware of it).  Do you hate to fail at anything and see failure as negativity rather than an opportunity for learning and growth and do you dislike uncertainty and believe that if you are wrong that it is a threat to the very essence of your self-image.

Sound familiar?

Embracing your imperfections as part of you will allow you to be happier and attract positive people and experiences.

Those who accept themselves exude confidence and beauty inside and are much happier all around.


Let Go of Judgement

When we’re in our moments of insecurity it’s easy to be judgemental toward others, we do this to make ourselves feel better.

Harsh judgments of ourselves interfere with developing our sense of identity, a sense of belonging and intimate relationships with others.

Exclude yourself from joining the gossip, practice kindness and acceptance toward others and yourself.  This is the first step to becoming more mindful of our own thoughts and actions.



You are the only one that can achieve your happiness and in order to do this, you need to become your best friend.

Your relationship with yourself is about being true to who you really are, be authentic, embrace your individuality accept your faults and never edit yourself for anything or anyone.

Get up every day and be the best version of your authentic self and within no time you’ll exude confidence and positivity you never thought you had in you and this will be the foundation to happy and healthy relationships.

Make this apart of your story!!
The Greatest Relationships - True Story Pic


Spending time alone is something that should be cherished as this is the time you can really delve into your true self.  Spending time by myself is something I look forward to in order to connect with my inner thoughts.  For me, meditating has been a wonderful experience to allow me to do that, it has allowed me to become more self-aware, relaxed and has benefited my overall wellness.

If meditation is something you’re interested in to connect with your inner thoughts and self, click here to learn more.

Beginning to understand the importance of our own relationship with ourselves is the first step to achieving happiness and overall wellness.

Comment below and let me know how you connect with yourself.  Is this something you practice often?  And do you feel that it impacts all other relationships in your life?

16 thoughts on “The Secret to Great Relationships”

  1. Hey friend. The only method that I tried to establish a better relationship with me, was to spend time in front of a mirror. But As you said before, good things don’t happen overnight. I made it for like 2 or 3 days but I didn’t see any change so I quit.
    Now, as I found this article, I will try some of the advice that you gave me and I will see what will happen.
    Wish you all the best!

    • Hi Codrut

      Thank you for your comment. Making changes to our lifestyle can take some time, but I encourage you to stick with any changes you make to try and develop a great relationship with yourself and over time you will see a difference.

      All the best to you


  2. Great article! Practicing self-love is one of the hardest things to do for me. I’m still struggling with it. Thanks for the great tips!

    • Hi Hon

      Thank you for your feedback. I encourage you to keep working on self-care, it’s essential in achieving overall wellness and you’ll soon exude the confidence within yourself to achieve all your goals

      All the best


  3. That’s an important post. It’s great to remember the value of who we are and how we should love ourselves. In the end, that’s all we ever have. There’s no better fundament for our happy and satisfying life than that. To really understand that, I believe, it makes us really strong. Thank you for your article.

  4. Hi Tracy,

    Thanks for this great post. I agree with you, now more than ever it is super important to practice self-care and value yourself for who you are.

    As the world is only going to be a more stressful place in the foreseeable future, as selfish as it sounds I agree that it is important to make sure that your personal self is taken care of before you start trying to take care of others. in the current climate, making sure that you are ok should be at the forefront of your mind because only then can you help others.

    I really appreciate all the suggestions that you have for practicing self-care. From my personal perspective, making sure that I am happy in myself has been the best thing that I have been able to do for my relationships.


    • Hi Lisa

      Thank you for your comment.

      I’m glad you found the suggestions helpful. Taking care of ourselves first needs to be our priority. We often put ourselves on the back burner without even knowing it. We need to ensure that we are making a conscious effort every day to take care of ourselves, now more than ever.

      All the Best


  5. One could hardly love others when he himself cannot love his own self. I have to admit that I have had struggle on self compassion and need more work on myself. Thank you for reminding me about it. Love your post

    • Hi Kevin

      I appreciate your comment, I would encourage you every day to do something for yourself that brings you joy, now more than ever. Nourish the relationship with yourself, it’s the greatest gift you can give yourself.

      All the best to you


  6. I am away from home a lot for work. So I have a lot of alone time. Some have
    asked me if I get bored and if I like being alone so often. My response is “No,
    I really love being with me, I’m pretty fun to be around.” You know, it’s the story
    we tell ourselves that really makes the difference. Pink has a song called Perfect.
    In one verse the lyrics are “Change the voices in your head, make them like you
    instead.” I know that isn’t as simple as it sounds, but if you can just change
    your story/the voices in your head, you can really learn to love yourself.

    • Hi Teresa,

      What a beautiful response, thank you.
      When we have established a relationship with ourselves that is healthly, we have so much possiblity for happiness.
      I love my alone time, taking care of me, really connecting with who I am. We are all a gift that should be cherished by ourselves first.

      Thank you again for your lovely comment.

      All the best


  7. Hi Tracy – I am a big believer that you cannot give what you don’t have, it starts with ourselves. If we are unhappy with ourselves it will certainly be visible by the way we interact with others. I think self-care is so crucial, we have to make the time to invest in nourishing our mind, body, and spirit so that we can be in a positive state. Completely agree with your point about being mindful about your self-talk, we can be very hard on ourselves sometimes and it can lead to low confidence. When we catch ourselves focusing on negative thoughts we have to remind ourselves that we can always change that channel! I enjoyed the post. Thanks for sharing. Best wishes!

    • Hi Jeff, thank you for the comment. Our thoughts are merely made up and we can choose to focus on the thoughts we want to. Focussing on the negative thoughts that pop into our mind is a sure way to create stress and an unhealthy relationship with ourself. When we set aside time for ourselves and listen to the deep quietness within us we can really gain a sense of our true self. This is crucial for establishing a healthy relationship with ourselves. Self-care so critical to establish not only a healthy relationship with ourselves but with others as well.

      Thank you for you comment.

      All the best.


  8. I so needed to know this information you’ve provided in this article. Self love is not being self-fish but its about filling your own cup so you can serve others. You can’t pour from an empty cup, right?

    Thank you for your kindness through this post.

    Best wishes


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